Still.
I love the podcast Modern Wisdom by Chris Williamson. He has a premise he likes to talk about on his podcasts about Type A and Type B people.
Type A people are the over-achieving, competitive, workaholics that rule the world (Or at least they’d like to eventually). Type A people are interesting because they are ambitious, adventurous, and tend to be perfectionists. Meaning, they can come across rushed and overbearing when in stressful situations.
Type B people are laid back, patient, and passive. Type B people tend to go with the flow, appreciating the process of the action over the end result. Type B are a bit mysterious and can come across lazy and inefficient.
I like to mesh between the two, considering myself more of a Type A person with some Type B traits. Meaning I love to work and set ambitious goals for myself, but I also love the spontaneity and tangents that follow suit. As a Type A person, I have to work really hard to stay motivated when I give myself a new task. This usually is followed by intense adjustments and taking on too many projects all at once. Which leads me to where I am at currently, which is burnout.
Burnout occurs when you’ve expended the motivation and you have to tap into your reserve fuel of self-discipline. Unfortunately for me, I tend to go back into the comfort zone of my Type B traits which is backing off of tasks that my Type A personality fuels me to start.
For example, I had this dream back in high school, which bled into college, of starting a clothing brand. I knew what the name would be, Day1, and I knew what I wanted it to stand for. (It was based upon a group chat I had with my best friends, and all the cool experiences we made with each other). While in college I started to make a collection of drawings on my computer that I could then place onto the t-shirt.
The problem was I didn’t pursue it because I thought it was out of my reach. So I waited, and when the opportunity presented itself again after I graduated, I went full steam ahead. Here’s where my Type A personality took over. I loved the t-shirts we created for Day1, and I think there’s still a potential market for it in the future, but it was premature. I was working extremely hard, and getting very little in return. I realized that being an entrepreneur wasn’t as easy as the internet was telling me it was.
After I had enough time to digest this “failure” of a t-shirt brand, I took the thing I loved the most from it, design, and turned that idea into another business. This time using what I had learned and applying it to other people’s businesses. I ran with it, and ran hard, this time seeing more success than I did with the t-shirts. I felt fulfilled, but that feeling of burnout was looming over my head. Until one day I got an offer from a friend to help him out with his business. My Type A personality came flying in and used the opportunity to learn a new skill. At this point I had graphic design clients, and another job learning how to perform sales. It was very valuable for me, except burnout was consuming me. I was emotionally depleted and my energy was sapped from me. This resulted in absolute burnout, which has been the state I’ve been in for the last couple months. Around the time I felt the burnout, I parted ways with my friend and his business.
Fortunately my first graphic design client needed help with his focaccia business and I took the opportunity eagerly, hoping to learn a new skill that was completely unrelated to my graphic design work. It was a breath of fresh air for a while, and allowed me to reintegrate myself back into graphic design. During this time I went through extensive periods of deep introspective thought. I want to achieve my dreams, but I want to do it in a way that I wasn’t going to get burnt out. This introspective thought isn’t that healthy, but it allowed me to structure a plan, which is part of the reason I’m writing this newsletter.
But Kailer, why are you telling me all of this?
Great question, here is the answer. I feel like each of us bleed into Type A and Type B problems regularly. As I continue to pursue graphic design and entrepreneurship as a whole I want to be completely open and honest. It’s beautiful when everything comes together, I was able to see it first hand with my parents' businesses. Yet, the backend stuff is stressful and isn’t spoken about enough. It’s extremely difficult to pursue something you’re passionate about when burnout is prevalent, and even harder when you’re working on things you're not passionate about at all. Yet, that is the name of the game, as grueling as it is you have to fail, deplete yourself entirely, and get into a state where you can sustain a lot of internal pressure in order to achieve the goals you set out for yourself.
Which brings me to my next point; yourself. It’s the most crucial part of the entire equation. It’s really important to make time for yourself. I did that this weekend and I found a profound sense of clarity. For the first time in a long time I was still, I had no place to be, no problems to fix, no tasks on the agenda. I was completely still. The waves were rolling ashore, people were lounging on the grass, and there I was in awe. I realized something very important that day, that it is okay to be still, in fact, it's essential. I realized that I’ve been rushing my entire life to be something, anything. I’ve rushed to start businesses, I’ve rushed to grow up, I’ve rushed only to end up burnt out and confused with the direction of my life. That day, the act of being still, taught me that if you rush through life, you’ll forget to appreciate the beautiful moments in-between.
This is for all of my Type A people. I hope you can learn to sit still every once in a while and appreciate where you are in the world. While we rush to achieve, we are missing out on those amazing opportunities in-between. Remember, the journey is just as important as the destination.
Thank you for reading.
With love,
Kai
Weekly Poem:
The man signed up for a marathon
Determined to win, he ran
And ran
And ran
A couple hours turned into a couple days which turned into a couple years.
Until one day,
He stopped running and looked around
Only to realize that he lost sight of the reason he was running in the first place
